Apparently, I used to write multiple times a day May 14, 2026

I found my old journals last night. It was unintentional. I was cleaning a shelf and opened boxes I had ignored for years, when I stumbled across a couple of my old journal notebooks with loose pages. Some of them still had dates written carefully on the first page. Others were covered in stickers. One of them even had names of people I randomly met or no longer talk to.

Since it's almost midnight, I told myself I would read only a few entries. But instead, I spent hours sitting on the floor turning page after page. I was completely absorbed in a version of myself I had almost forgotten.

Narcotics Anonymous May 08, 2026

I went to an NA meeting. Hindi ko na matandaan kung paano, pero naalala kong may Zoom link na nag-alangan pa akong i-click. Sinubukan kong pumasok kahit may pag-aalangan; baka mag-gatecrash ako sa isang importanteng meeting, o baka mapasukan ko ang meeting ng mga alters. Pero sige, go. Bahala na kung i-kickout nila ako. Wala namang pumansin sa akin. Siguro kasi dahil halos 100 ang mga participants, lahat ay mga taga Amerika. Ako lang yata yung hindi taga doon. Pero walang kumwestyon sa akin. Tuloy-tuloy na nagsasalita ang facilitator, doon ko nalaman na NA meeting pala ito. Narcotics Anonymous.

I am too broke to attend a wedding March 18, 2026

Ella, a very dear friend of mine is getting married. I’m one of the few people who witnessed and stood by her through both the happiest and darkest parts of her life. I was there when she had to run to the hospital after her former partner made her a punching bag. I was there during the confusing in-between of a situationship with someone we worked with. And I was there when she met Philip, the man she would eventually marry and someone who slowly became my friend too. Philip is a kind person, with a positive outlook and a clear sense of where he wants to go in life. Those were the things that made Ella fall in love with him.

That was ten years ago. Since then, life has moved in different directions. We changed jobs, chased different careers, and our circles grew bigger. But somehow, we always found our way back to each other, even just once a year over drinks, over stories, over laughter that felt familiar no matter how much time had passed.

Happy birthday, Papa. January 09, 2026

Happy birthday, Papa. I love you so much. I’ve always said I’m your carbon copy, the ultimate Papa’s girl.

When I was little, I would cry every time you leave for Baguio to work. I always needed to see you leave. Even if it was very early in the morning, no matter what day it was, I would make sure I’m awake just to watch you get on the bus. Sometimes, you don’t say that you’re about to leave, but there are signs. You’d start folding your clothes and put them in your duffel bag. By then, I knew you were leaving, so I wouldn’t sleep at all so I could wake up the moment you step out of the house. Even when Lola scolded me, I didn’t care.

Because if I didn’t see you leave, I would feel awful. My whole week would be terrible. I would cry and cry.

Papa, someone else inherited that habit of mine—your eldest grandchild, my nephew. Every time his mother leaves, he would always wake up and cry. He doesn’t want her to go. But when there’s nothing he can do, he makes sure he sees his mom walk out of the house and get on the bus.

I always smile when I see him like that. Then I would tell him the story, that I was just like him when I was a child.

22-15-20-1 December 28, 2025

Since I was a child, I never won games or raffles. Unlike my mom and my sibling, who often brought home prizes, I always went home with nothing after parties. That’s why I was so happy yesterday when I won four times at our class reunion raffle. The first, I won in a game, then won again in the raffle—second, third, and fourth prizes. Of course, I was happy. In my whole existence, this was the first time I ever got lucky in these kinds of games. But I didn’t just win prizes; I also got to see my old classmates. It was really heartwarming to see them again after decades.