I am too broke to attend a wedding

Ella, a very dear friend of mine is getting married. I’m one of the few people who witnessed and stood by her through both the happiest and darkest parts of her life. I was there when she had to run to the hospital after her former partner made her a punching bag. I was there during the confusing in-between of a situationship with someone we worked with. And I was there when she met Philip, the man she would eventually marry and someone who slowly became my friend too. Philip is a kind person, with a positive outlook and a clear sense of where he wants to go in life. Those were the things that made Ella fall in love with him.

That was ten years ago. Since then, life has moved in different directions. We changed jobs, chased different careers, and our circles grew bigger. But somehow, we always found our way back to each other, even just once a year over drinks, over stories, over laughter that felt familiar no matter how much time had passed.

And now, she’s getting married and it feels right. It feels like something she has long deserved. I am so proud of her, of them, of the life they are building together.

Fast forward to January 2026, Ella finally sent us the wedding invitation along with the RSVP in our group chat. Everyone was excited, with conversations about the dress code, hotel bookings, and all that jazz. The wedding will be held in the province, far from the city, and far from where I live (I live in the north while most of my friends live south). But that’s okay. That should be okay, right?

But the truth is, I’ve been struggling financially for years and at some point, reality became impossible to ignore. I can’t afford the trip. I can’t afford a dress. I can’t afford a place to stay. I spent weeks going back and forth in my mind, trying to find a way, any way, to make it work. Because this is not just any event. This is my friend’s wedding, one of the very few people I keep close to my heart. And I want to be there. But I’m just not in a position to spend money on something I simply can’t afford.

And so after three days I finally declined the RSVP. I sent her a message telling her I couldn’t come and that I am happy and proud of her, that I love them both. I didn’t explain why. Pride told me to keep things to yourself, even when the truth is simple. I know Ella and Phil will understand. At least, I hope Ella will.

UPDATE: Ella has seen it, but hasn’t replied yet. I imagine she’s busy, caught up in all the details that come with building a wedding and a future. The group chat is still alive. Everyone is still excited. And me? I am cheering for her quietly, from a distance.