What would you talk about if someone were actually listening to you?

Honestly, I grew up not telling or sharing stories about my life with others. That’s because I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I was raised well; my grandmother and parents took good care of me. But I didn’t grow up in an environment where I was encouraged to share or open up about my feelings. So, I’ve carried this with me until now.

I didn’t have any real friends in elementary or high school. Sure, I had people to hang out with, but I saw them as just ordinary friends or acquaintances. There was no deep understanding between us that would allow us to share our thoughts and feelings with each other. Even now, when I have what I can consider my circle of friends, I still find it hard to open up to them. I don’t even know why. I guess I’m just not used to it.

If someone were truly listening to me right now, I would tell them that I am sad. I’m sad because I feel like i have no direction in life. That I’m almost forty years old and still have nothing to be proud of. That I’m sad because even though I want to break free from this situation, it feels like I’m stuck here. That I’m sad because I still don’t know what I really want in life.

My family and friends think I’m okay. They think that I have a decent job, that I’m happy even though I’m single, that I’m content even if I don’t go out of the house often… but that’s not true. When I’m alone, I’m always worried. I stay up until the early hours of the morning because I don’t want to feel the anxiety hit me once I lie down and start thinking about my personal issues. I spend my time watching random videos to distract myself from my worries. I let my imagination wander until I get tired and fall asleep. At least, that way, I don’t have to think anymore.

Sometimes I think about just disappearing. That I wish I hadn’t been born, so there would be one less person feeling this way.

So, if there’s someone who genuinely wants to listen to me, I hope they won’t get tired of it. I hope they won’t judge me and say, “You’re just sad” or “You’re just lazy.” I hope they won’t interrupt me while I’m sharing. I’m not asking them for advice or anything. I just really want someone to listen.

Note: I wrote this a year ago. I am now forty, and everything is still the same. The only difference is now, I don’t think about disappearing. I try to live every day, find things to be happy and stay positive. That’s a good thing, right?

When you didn't land the job you wanted

Earlier today, I received an e-mail informing me that my application for a popular graphic design platform is no longer being considered. Although I am currently enjoying my "jobless era", the company offered this part-time position that suits my skills, and so I decided to give it a try. 

Of course, getting rejected can be frustrating, especially when it's from a company you admire the most and aspire to work with. I've applied to many companies before and got rejected so many times. But hey, it's not the end of the world. You can use rejection to your advantage, bounce back and maybe even land an even better position than the one you initially applied for. Remember these simple tips as they may help you in the future.

There are better options out there. Take rejection as an opportunity to explore other opportunities. Remember: there are plenty of companies looking for people with your skills. Review your applications, make some tweaks, and apply again. Even if you don't get the position, there's a chance you'll be contacted by the company about other roles that may be available in the future. You never know what might happen until you try.

Invest in Yourself. It's not always easy getting rejected after putting in so much work. The best way to get back on track is by investing in yourself. There are many different ways you can do this, such as going on job interviews or networking with people that have the same interests as you. If you have been rejected from a job interview, don't forget to ask questions about what could be done better next time. Then make adjustments accordingly and try again!

Take care of yourself mentally. It's okay to feel disappointed about getting rejected. As soon as you can, take the time to get out of your head and do something nice for yourself. This will help you put the rejection into perspective, and give you an opportunity to work on your mental strength. It might also be helpful to think about what went wrong during the interview or job hunt to avoid making those same mistakes in the future.

Don't give up. The first time you apply for a job, you're usually less experienced, so it's more likely that you won't be the best candidate. Instead of taking rejection personally, try and see it as an opportunity to learn. Read up on how to interview better next time, or reread the job description to see where you went wrong with your application this time. You might not get the job now, but perseverance and patience will pay off in the future!

The point is, when you get rejected, take time to breathe and reflect and assess. Then get back up and start over again. The perfect job for us is out there waiting. It may or may not reveal itself, so it's up to us to explore and look out for them.

Decluttering is hard but satisfying. I'll tell you why.

Decluttering can be a headache. It takes time and careful planning to discard the things we own, especially ones that hold value to us. And once you’re done, the next challenge is maintaining the orderliness of your home.

My desire to declutter and organize my apartment started 3 years ago but I only did it last month. Not that I was too lazy (but I admit it’s one of the factors), but I didn’t have enough time to do it. Since I work in rural communities, I am always out of town. Fieldwork usually takes a few days to a week, and when I get home, I’d take a rest so I can work again the next day. I also work during weekends. I usually have rest during weekdays but most of the time it only takes a day and I’d spend it doing paper works. When Coronavirus came, I had to stay and work at home like most workers in our country. The first 6 months were awful. I craved the internet like an addict as I was without any electronics to connect with my friends. When I started reading books, I realized that I need to reflect and re-evaluate my life. It was also the right time to declutter my home.

I didn’t have any particular plan when I started decluttering. My only goal is to reduce my things, from my wardrobe to dishware. I’ve read other articles that decluttering shouldn’t be in a rush as it can lead to feelings of regret after. Other experts suggest putting items in a box if you’re unsure whether to throw them out, then check if you still need them after a few months. I never did any of those. Like Kristin Marr mentioned in her article, be ruthless. If you haven’t used something in a while, discard it. I had a lot of plates and mugs stored inside my cupboard, most were gifts from previous coworkers. But in reality, I only use a bowl for my food. To free up space, I discarded most of the tableware and some of my cooking pots. Together with the plates, I sent them to donation collectors. I did the same with my wardrobe. After organizing, I now have 25 shirts, 2 sweaters, and 2 pairs of jeans and the rest went to donation. I still plan to reduce my clothes. I gave some of my shirts to a friend two weeks ago.

The documents took me a while before I completely discarded them. Most of them contained my personal information so I need to dispose of the papers. I don’t have a shredder in my house and cutting every single piece of paper would be time-consuming. So I enlisted the help of my bucket and water. I filled the bucket with water and soaked it in the papers overnight. The next day, I began to tear them like I’m making paper clay. After draining the water, I dried them outdoors and that’s it. My information was erased and the paper was discarded. As for the footwear, I put my old but good sneakers and sent them to donation.

It’s been a month, and I don’t regret what I did with my stuff, especially those shirts that I used to adore. I still love them, but I love the look of my closet more. My closet is much cleaner and organized, and the feeling you get when looking at it is so joyful. This is also the same as my cupboard. I now have enough space to store other things. Of course, this is not the same for everyone. The strategy I did worked well, but may not be for others. I also recommend doing research or reading some blogs about decluttering and organizing. In one of her articles, Elizabeth Larkin also suggested organizing a yard sale for your stuff.

Going through decluttering made me realize that I don’t need many material things. We may get souvenirs from events, but isn’t it that the moments from those events are much more memorable?

The unconventional guide to living alone

 

What are some of your ‘unconventional’ guides to living alone? This was a question I posted on Quora a few days ago. There have been different misconceptions about this kind of lifestyle. Some say living alone is lonely and that the longer you live this way, the more you become miserable. Some say it’s fun and exciting and even intend to do it long-term.

According to an article by Claire Lower, living alone can be awkward at first. This is true, especially when you’re so used to having people around you. For younger folks, it could be when they are moving away to go to college. For adults, when they’re calling a long-term relationship quits. For older people, it could be when their life partner passes away. But it could the best thing after giving yourself time to adjust.

I started living alone in 2016 after breaking up with my partner. I have to admit that it was hard that I almost regretted my decision and move back to my brother’s apartment. I had no one to talk to, my routine is always work-home-work. I stayed in the office after working hours to talk to my colleagues, because I dreaded the feeling of going home. I even asked a co-worker to move in and become roommates with me.

That didn’t happen, of course. But to my surprise, after almost a year, I began to appreciate the solitude.

I began to enjoy the silence around me. No one would always ask and nag me about my whereabouts. I began to appreciate the art of ‘masturdating’ (it is so, so good and worth trying). Sleeping, although challenging at first, became much more comfortable. I don’t have to share my bed with someone. The best thing is that I have the freedom to do my favorite things and bring out my creative side.

So, as someone who is living alone, here’s my list of ‘unconventional’ guides to enjoy living by oneself:

1. Decorate your place. It doesn’t have to be expensive.

This is where you can unleash your creative power. Looking for inspiration from Pinterest or magazines is a good start. Plus with the convenience of online shopping, you can have the materials delivered to you. But as I’ve said, decorating doesn’t have to be expensive. Anything you have, whether old fabrics, tin cans, or even beer bottles is good to use.

Lately, I realized that I needed to have a pinboard to put all the small notes I used from my meetings. And so I decided to go online to shop. But I found the pinboards online to be expensive. The 20 x 30cm already costs almost P200, so I ditched the plan and asked for help from my landlord. He was kind enough to give me a carton box. I cut it to my preferred size and painted it black. I attached strings and made my own pinboard of my preferred size.

2. Create a schedule for your chores.

If you live in a small space, say a dorm, you don’t have to do a lot of chores. Cleaning, laundry, cooking, doing the dishes, and throwing out the trash are the basics. You can definitely create a schedule for these. My schedule includes the following:

Cleaning: Wednesday & Saturday

Laundry: Thursday & Sunday

Trash: Everyday

I cook every other 2 days. I cook meals that are good for 2-days and store them in the ref. It saves you time and gas. When you schedule your chores, you’ll be able to plan your week better.

3. Get a dog or cat. If not, a plant.

A Quora member who posted their answer to my question even suggested a stuffed toy because it’s less work. That will do as well because the goal is to have someone (or something) to talk to. Because let’s be real, living alone can also be boring at times. It doesn’t mean we don’t yearn for some solo TED Talk. So having any of these three I mentioned would be superb.

Pets are not allowed in our building, so I got myself a small succulent plant that I named Amanda. She doesn’t mind me talking (sometimes shouting) to her when I’m stressed or bored. She’s a good listener and she doesn’t mind a little neglect too.

4. Learn how to cook.

A basic skill all humans should have. Living alone doesn’t mean you can indulge in delivery foods every day. It’s a waste of money and it’s not healthy. Learning how to make at least 1–2 decent recipes for yourself is a great help. Cooking is a relaxing task. Who knows? You might find yourself a new hobby.

5. Store foods and basic essentials (including liquor).

Make sure your pantry is full. You will never know what will happen. One time I caught the flu and wasn’t able to go out. Luckily, I have enough food in my cabinet and on my fridge and they kept me alive for 4 days. I also make sure I have enough medicine to take whenever I’m not well. I live alone, so I have to take care of myself. If it’s Friday night and you want to chill without going out, having an ice-cold beer or vodka will be an awesome add-on. This is of course, optional.

6. Have an extra pillow.

Did you know that hugging a pillow while sleeping has benefits? This is true, especially if you are a troubled sleeper like me. It lessens your tossing and turning and also adds warmth. Plus, it also comes in handy if in any case, someone is coming for a sleepover.

So far, I only have a few people who answered my question on Quora. If you are a member, you may post your ‘unconventional’ guides (link at the start of this post), or you can share them here. I would love to read all your tips and maybe will learn a thing or two from you all, who knows?