I am living the single life

“When are you going to get married?” is the question I always get from my relatives. It was uncomfortable at first, especially when you hear it every single time you attend family gatherings. But as time goes, I got used to it and would smirk or joke about it whenever they ask.

Being single is always stereotyped as living a lonely life. Being married and having kids is usually considered a happy one. This is also our society’s standard- men and women should get married, start a family, and lead a happy, healthy, and fruitful life. But, some go against this standard. I know some folks, people from my workplace who dream of having kids while remaining single. Some are single parents, raising their children while rejecting the possibility of getting a partner. Most of these single parents are women. They think that having a partner is a headache and that they should focus their energy on raising and loving their kids. Lastly, some people chose not to be in a relationship, like me.

People would assume that I’ve been in a horrible relationship in the past and that I don’t want to have another one. This assumption is wrong and this is not always the case. I can relate my single life to my living alone. I started living alone after my partner and I broke up. We are both fine and remain friends up until today. And as I mentioned in my previous post, it’s hard. It’s hard when you’re with your friends, and they talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends and you don’t have one. It’s hard when your uncles and aunts press you about getting married and having kids. That’s the part that I don’t like.

Looking back as someone in her 30s, being single is not bad at all. It is fulfilling. The first thing that I loved the most is the solitude and its rewards. It gives me time to be creative without having someone distract me. It keeps me refreshed and energized. Most of all, it gives me time to think, reflect, and re-evaluate my life choices. In essence, you have plenty of time for yourself. When you get married and have kids, your focus would shift to your family and how to take care of them. It will give you little time for yourself. You’ll only have the time once your kids have grown up and had their own families. But how old do you think you’d be when that time comes? People say that you become more integrated with society when you’re married. This is not true. How can you meet other people and integrate into society, when you devote the majority of your time to your family? When you are single, you have the time to embrace and interact with other people, whether it’s for pleasure or network/business-related.

Now, living a single life may not be for anyone. I have some friends whom I’ve talked to before, and although they have little regrets about marrying early, they are happy with their current life with their spouses and kids. Of course, I am happy for them. I can feel their happiness whenever they talk about how their babies are starting to walk and how they learned their first words. I also know people from work who prefer being single because of economic concerns, saying spending money for their survival is already hard, what more if they have a family. I understand these views because we have our own definitions of happiness. At the moment, I am enjoying the single life and its rewards; it has made me more relaxed, collected, and open to different perspectives. I am intending to keep my lifestyle this way, although who knows what would happen in the future, right?

Evaluating your own writing skill is key

How do you evaluate your writing? Some may think of it as a hard task, especially without the help of their colleagues. But when you are in the process of writing, you are already undergoing self-assessment. Whether you are a pro or a newbie writer, it’s important that we assess ourselves and how we write to identify and reflect on our strengths and weaknesses. We must critique and acknowledge our works as they help improve our skills.

Just like any performance evaluation, you must have guide questions that you can use to score your skills. Prof. Mary Warner from San Jose State University has published a comprehensive questionnaire on assessing one’s writing skills. It’s taken from the book ‘A Community of Writers: A Workshop Course in Writing’ by Peter Elbow and Pat Belanoff, and it’s divided into 6 categories: attitudes toward writing, generating, revising, feedback, collaboration, and awareness and control of the writing process. While you may think that this is catered to students and that some of these categories may not apply, they’re an important set of questions. Plus, according to the site, one will benefit from the questionnaire if they’re all filled out three times, that way one will be able to see what changes are taking place.

Although I’ve been writing since my elementary days, I do not consider myself a professional. I’m 100% amateur, although I may have a bit more experience than others. For most of my time at school, I wrote news and short stories. When I left school, I did creative writing and wrote more short stories and fiction. And recently, I’ve been involved with advocacy writing for the organization I work for, writing press statements and sometimes propaganda speeches. I had no formal writing or journalism education; only workshop/training sessions from pro writers. Ever since I was young, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a novelist or a short story writer. I remember moments in my 3rd-grade years when I always ask my grandmother how to translate a specific word into English and then get back to my notebook to continue with what I’m writing. It’s funny because I’ve been trying hard to write in English since 3rd grade. But honestly, I can’t even write any short stories nowadays. Is it because my interest or genre of writing is slowly beginning to change? Or is it because of this thing they call ‘writer’s block?’ Anyway, I will try to post about this later.

Self-assessment is a great method as it nurtures one’s writing skills thru reflection and analysis. It may include a wide range of practices and lots of questions to answer, but all are essential to foster the growth of an aspiring writer in terms of skill and ability to take on future writing tasks. You must assess yourself from time to time; set a specific date and time of the month when you can perform a self-assessment. It’s also important to keep track of the questions you’ve answered. That way, you can compare and check what areas are improving and what needs to be improved further. As I am writing this blog post, I am currently writing a short story that I never went on to finish. Hopefully, with my little motivation, I can finally finish it by the end of this month. Wish me luck.

Decluttering is hard but satisfying. I'll tell you why.

Decluttering can be a headache. It takes time and careful planning to discard the things we own, especially ones that hold value to us. And once you’re done, the next challenge is maintaining the orderliness of your home.

My desire to declutter and organize my apartment started 3 years ago but I only did it last month. Not that I was too lazy (but I admit it’s one of the factors), but I didn’t have enough time to do it. Since I work in rural communities, I am always out of town. Fieldwork usually takes a few days to a week, and when I get home, I’d take a rest so I can work again the next day. I also work during weekends. I usually have rest during weekdays but most of the time it only takes a day and I’d spend it doing paper works. When Coronavirus came, I had to stay and work at home like most workers in our country. The first 6 months were awful. I craved the internet like an addict as I was without any electronics to connect with my friends. When I started reading books, I realized that I need to reflect and re-evaluate my life. It was also the right time to declutter my home.

I didn’t have any particular plan when I started decluttering. My only goal is to reduce my things, from my wardrobe to dishware. I’ve read other articles that decluttering shouldn’t be in a rush as it can lead to feelings of regret after. Other experts suggest putting items in a box if you’re unsure whether to throw them out, then check if you still need them after a few months. I never did any of those. Like Kristin Marr mentioned in her article, be ruthless. If you haven’t used something in a while, discard it. I had a lot of plates and mugs stored inside my cupboard, most were gifts from previous coworkers. But in reality, I only use a bowl for my food. To free up space, I discarded most of the tableware and some of my cooking pots. Together with the plates, I sent them to donation collectors. I did the same with my wardrobe. After organizing, I now have 25 shirts, 2 sweaters, and 2 pairs of jeans and the rest went to donation. I still plan to reduce my clothes. I gave some of my shirts to a friend two weeks ago.

The documents took me a while before I completely discarded them. Most of them contained my personal information so I need to dispose of the papers. I don’t have a shredder in my house and cutting every single piece of paper would be time-consuming. So I enlisted the help of my bucket and water. I filled the bucket with water and soaked it in the papers overnight. The next day, I began to tear them like I’m making paper clay. After draining the water, I dried them outdoors and that’s it. My information was erased and the paper was discarded. As for the footwear, I put my old but good sneakers and sent them to donation.

It’s been a month, and I don’t regret what I did with my stuff, especially those shirts that I used to adore. I still love them, but I love the look of my closet more. My closet is much cleaner and organized, and the feeling you get when looking at it is so joyful. This is also the same as my cupboard. I now have enough space to store other things. Of course, this is not the same for everyone. The strategy I did worked well, but may not be for others. I also recommend doing research or reading some blogs about decluttering and organizing. In one of her articles, Elizabeth Larkin also suggested organizing a yard sale for your stuff.

Going through decluttering made me realize that I don’t need many material things. We may get souvenirs from events, but isn’t it that the moments from those events are much more memorable?

Online dating thoughts

 

I’ve been “single-ish” for almost 2 years now. Single-ish, meaning I still connect with my ex-girlfriend and we hang out sometimes and have random sexy times. Am I that bad? Anyway, this post isn’t about her (I’ll deal with this soon). This post is about my thoughts regarding online dating sites. Especially moderating online dating sites.

I admit online dating is not my thing. But yes, because I’m single, I thought there was nothing wrong with joining. So I signed up for OKCupid and have been here for quite some time now. I get to answer endless questions and they’ll be used by OKC to match you up with other users (using magic, yes). Here are some things I learned:

A low or zero percent match doesn’t mean you really don’t match. At all. A couple of weeks ago, I watched a video from Buzzfeed where they conducted an experiment on OKC’s personality algorithm used to match users. Buzzfeed’s Zach Kornfeld scoured the OkCupid universe to find a user that doesn’t match his personality- in short, his enemy. He eventually found one and they agreed to go out on a date. At the end of the date and the video, both Zach and the girl jived and learned new things about each other and actually found out they have a lot in common. So I, as a user, tried the experiment by finding users with less than 20% match on me. Unfortunately, all conversations I had during the course of the experiment were a flop; these girls introduce themselves a bit and then don’t respond after, or they don’t respond at all. Maybe they don’t like my profile or maybe they think I’m some stalker the way I approached them or they find me unattractive.

Even though it’s a fail, I strongly believe that the algorithm used by OKC shouldn’t dictate you on who you should date. There is one reason why this was made, it’s because most of the time it works. But it doesn’t work on all people, at least not for Zach and the girl, and maybe for me as well. Good and honest communication is the key to a good relationship. And most of all, don’t judge. Just because you’re just a 5% match with a girl doesn’t mean you’re not gonna talk to her. Go for it! Especially if you find her profile photo cute, or if she has photos with cats. :)

Spam account here, fake account there. Much like Facebook, OKC is also infested with ghosts, spam, and fake accounts. I won’t talk about this further, because most of you guys know what these are. In some instances, you may just need to be extra cautious with interactions because the use of a good-looking profile photo can either be a scammer or a phisher (is this the right word?).

(If you’re under 18, you may not want to read the next part of this post)

Dick pics here, dick pics there. One day, I was invited to be an OKC moderator. Being a moderator gives you the task of checking all photos uploaded by users, and you get to decide if it passes the guidelines and is okay to post. Since OK Cupid encourages users to post real photos of themselves, you have to use all resources to check if a photo is authentic, or if it’s a grab from Google or from a social media account. And if you’re a fan of dick pics, you may enjoy this moderator task. I am not a fan of it, but I get to see dozens of dick pics every single time I log in to moderate.

In the past months, I think I’ve seen different dick sizes and types. If there’s an anatomy test for human male genitalia, I am pretty sure I’d pass that test with flying colors. As a hardcore gay woman, it disgusts me. Even the thought of it disgusts me. And most of the time these pics come from accounts that look for hookups and sex. Still, gentlemen, kindly enlighten me on why you guys should post pictures of your shlongs online. And though I mark these photos obscene (because obviously this is prohibited under guidelines), users keep on trying to upload them. Maybe instead of posting them, keep them for the meantime until you have enough photos, create a mosaic for them, like the guy who made a Donald Trump mosaic out of dick pics.

So what I think about this is that the online dating world can be fierce and dangerous but can be fun at times. If you’re looking to interact with people from all over the world, it can be a good medium. But if you are determined to find your better half, then step up your game; maybe it’s time to update your profile. This is a dating site after all.

And please, guys. No dong photos.

(This is an old post from my now-defunct blog, and you can read it HERE. The content itself hasn’t changed but made minor grammar and punctuation corrections. Also, I’ve deleted my OkCupid 5 years ago along with some of my other social media accounts. I’m no longer interested in online dating. Hope you enjoyed this content.)