Decluttering is hard but satisfying. I'll tell you why.

Decluttering can be a headache. It takes time and careful planning to discard the things we own, especially ones that hold value to us. And once you’re done, the next challenge is maintaining the orderliness of your home.

My desire to declutter and organize my apartment started 3 years ago but I only did it last month. Not that I was too lazy (but I admit it’s one of the factors), but I didn’t have enough time to do it. Since I work in rural communities, I am always out of town. Fieldwork usually takes a few days to a week, and when I get home, I’d take a rest so I can work again the next day. I also work during weekends. I usually have rest during weekdays but most of the time it only takes a day and I’d spend it doing paper works. When Coronavirus came, I had to stay and work at home like most workers in our country. The first 6 months were awful. I craved the internet like an addict as I was without any electronics to connect with my friends. When I started reading books, I realized that I need to reflect and re-evaluate my life. It was also the right time to declutter my home.

I didn’t have any particular plan when I started decluttering. My only goal is to reduce my things, from my wardrobe to dishware. I’ve read other articles that decluttering shouldn’t be in a rush as it can lead to feelings of regret after. Other experts suggest putting items in a box if you’re unsure whether to throw them out, then check if you still need them after a few months. I never did any of those. Like Kristin Marr mentioned in her article, be ruthless. If you haven’t used something in a while, discard it. I had a lot of plates and mugs stored inside my cupboard, most were gifts from previous coworkers. But in reality, I only use a bowl for my food. To free up space, I discarded most of the tableware and some of my cooking pots. Together with the plates, I sent them to donation collectors. I did the same with my wardrobe. After organizing, I now have 25 shirts, 2 sweaters, and 2 pairs of jeans and the rest went to donation. I still plan to reduce my clothes. I gave some of my shirts to a friend two weeks ago.

The documents took me a while before I completely discarded them. Most of them contained my personal information so I need to dispose of the papers. I don’t have a shredder in my house and cutting every single piece of paper would be time-consuming. So I enlisted the help of my bucket and water. I filled the bucket with water and soaked it in the papers overnight. The next day, I began to tear them like I’m making paper clay. After draining the water, I dried them outdoors and that’s it. My information was erased and the paper was discarded. As for the footwear, I put my old but good sneakers and sent them to donation.

It’s been a month, and I don’t regret what I did with my stuff, especially those shirts that I used to adore. I still love them, but I love the look of my closet more. My closet is much cleaner and organized, and the feeling you get when looking at it is so joyful. This is also the same as my cupboard. I now have enough space to store other things. Of course, this is not the same for everyone. The strategy I did worked well, but may not be for others. I also recommend doing research or reading some blogs about decluttering and organizing. In one of her articles, Elizabeth Larkin also suggested organizing a yard sale for your stuff.

Going through decluttering made me realize that I don’t need many material things. We may get souvenirs from events, but isn’t it that the moments from those events are much more memorable?

Online dating thoughts

 

I’ve been “single-ish” for almost 2 years now. Single-ish, meaning I still connect with my ex-girlfriend and we hang out sometimes and have random sexy times. Am I that bad? Anyway, this post isn’t about her (I’ll deal with this soon). This post is about my thoughts regarding online dating sites. Especially moderating online dating sites.

I admit online dating is not my thing. But yes, because I’m single, I thought there was nothing wrong with joining. So I signed up for OKCupid and have been here for quite some time now. I get to answer endless questions and they’ll be used by OKC to match you up with other users (using magic, yes). Here are some things I learned:

A low or zero percent match doesn’t mean you really don’t match. At all. A couple of weeks ago, I watched a video from Buzzfeed where they conducted an experiment on OKC’s personality algorithm used to match users. Buzzfeed’s Zach Kornfeld scoured the OkCupid universe to find a user that doesn’t match his personality- in short, his enemy. He eventually found one and they agreed to go out on a date. At the end of the date and the video, both Zach and the girl jived and learned new things about each other and actually found out they have a lot in common. So I, as a user, tried the experiment by finding users with less than 20% match on me. Unfortunately, all conversations I had during the course of the experiment were a flop; these girls introduce themselves a bit and then don’t respond after, or they don’t respond at all. Maybe they don’t like my profile or maybe they think I’m some stalker the way I approached them or they find me unattractive.

Even though it’s a fail, I strongly believe that the algorithm used by OKC shouldn’t dictate you on who you should date. There is one reason why this was made, it’s because most of the time it works. But it doesn’t work on all people, at least not for Zach and the girl, and maybe for me as well. Good and honest communication is the key to a good relationship. And most of all, don’t judge. Just because you’re just a 5% match with a girl doesn’t mean you’re not gonna talk to her. Go for it! Especially if you find her profile photo cute, or if she has photos with cats. :)

Spam account here, fake account there. Much like Facebook, OKC is also infested with ghosts, spam, and fake accounts. I won’t talk about this further, because most of you guys know what these are. In some instances, you may just need to be extra cautious with interactions because the use of a good-looking profile photo can either be a scammer or a phisher (is this the right word?).

(If you’re under 18, you may not want to read the next part of this post)

Dick pics here, dick pics there. One day, I was invited to be an OKC moderator. Being a moderator gives you the task of checking all photos uploaded by users, and you get to decide if it passes the guidelines and is okay to post. Since OK Cupid encourages users to post real photos of themselves, you have to use all resources to check if a photo is authentic, or if it’s a grab from Google or from a social media account. And if you’re a fan of dick pics, you may enjoy this moderator task. I am not a fan of it, but I get to see dozens of dick pics every single time I log in to moderate.

In the past months, I think I’ve seen different dick sizes and types. If there’s an anatomy test for human male genitalia, I am pretty sure I’d pass that test with flying colors. As a hardcore gay woman, it disgusts me. Even the thought of it disgusts me. And most of the time these pics come from accounts that look for hookups and sex. Still, gentlemen, kindly enlighten me on why you guys should post pictures of your shlongs online. And though I mark these photos obscene (because obviously this is prohibited under guidelines), users keep on trying to upload them. Maybe instead of posting them, keep them for the meantime until you have enough photos, create a mosaic for them, like the guy who made a Donald Trump mosaic out of dick pics.

So what I think about this is that the online dating world can be fierce and dangerous but can be fun at times. If you’re looking to interact with people from all over the world, it can be a good medium. But if you are determined to find your better half, then step up your game; maybe it’s time to update your profile. This is a dating site after all.

And please, guys. No dong photos.

(This is an old post from my now-defunct blog, and you can read it HERE. The content itself hasn’t changed but made minor grammar and punctuation corrections. Also, I’ve deleted my OkCupid 5 years ago along with some of my other social media accounts. I’m no longer interested in online dating. Hope you enjoyed this content.)

The unconventional guide to living alone

 

What are some of your ‘unconventional’ guides to living alone? This was a question I posted on Quora a few days ago. There have been different misconceptions about this kind of lifestyle. Some say living alone is lonely and that the longer you live this way, the more you become miserable. Some say it’s fun and exciting and even intend to do it long-term.

According to an article by Claire Lower, living alone can be awkward at first. This is true, especially when you’re so used to having people around you. For younger folks, it could be when they are moving away to go to college. For adults, when they’re calling a long-term relationship quits. For older people, it could be when their life partner passes away. But it could the best thing after giving yourself time to adjust.

I started living alone in 2016 after breaking up with my partner. I have to admit that it was hard that I almost regretted my decision and move back to my brother’s apartment. I had no one to talk to, my routine is always work-home-work. I stayed in the office after working hours to talk to my colleagues, because I dreaded the feeling of going home. I even asked a co-worker to move in and become roommates with me.

That didn’t happen, of course. But to my surprise, after almost a year, I began to appreciate the solitude.

I began to enjoy the silence around me. No one would always ask and nag me about my whereabouts. I began to appreciate the art of ‘masturdating’ (it is so, so good and worth trying). Sleeping, although challenging at first, became much more comfortable. I don’t have to share my bed with someone. The best thing is that I have the freedom to do my favorite things and bring out my creative side.

So, as someone who is living alone, here’s my list of ‘unconventional’ guides to enjoy living by oneself:

1. Decorate your place. It doesn’t have to be expensive.

This is where you can unleash your creative power. Looking for inspiration from Pinterest or magazines is a good start. Plus with the convenience of online shopping, you can have the materials delivered to you. But as I’ve said, decorating doesn’t have to be expensive. Anything you have, whether old fabrics, tin cans, or even beer bottles is good to use.

Lately, I realized that I needed to have a pinboard to put all the small notes I used from my meetings. And so I decided to go online to shop. But I found the pinboards online to be expensive. The 20 x 30cm already costs almost P200, so I ditched the plan and asked for help from my landlord. He was kind enough to give me a carton box. I cut it to my preferred size and painted it black. I attached strings and made my own pinboard of my preferred size.

2. Create a schedule for your chores.

If you live in a small space, say a dorm, you don’t have to do a lot of chores. Cleaning, laundry, cooking, doing the dishes, and throwing out the trash are the basics. You can definitely create a schedule for these. My schedule includes the following:

Cleaning: Wednesday & Saturday

Laundry: Thursday & Sunday

Trash: Everyday

I cook every other 2 days. I cook meals that are good for 2-days and store them in the ref. It saves you time and gas. When you schedule your chores, you’ll be able to plan your week better.

3. Get a dog or cat. If not, a plant.

A Quora member who posted their answer to my question even suggested a stuffed toy because it’s less work. That will do as well because the goal is to have someone (or something) to talk to. Because let’s be real, living alone can also be boring at times. It doesn’t mean we don’t yearn for some solo TED Talk. So having any of these three I mentioned would be superb.

Pets are not allowed in our building, so I got myself a small succulent plant that I named Amanda. She doesn’t mind me talking (sometimes shouting) to her when I’m stressed or bored. She’s a good listener and she doesn’t mind a little neglect too.

4. Learn how to cook.

A basic skill all humans should have. Living alone doesn’t mean you can indulge in delivery foods every day. It’s a waste of money and it’s not healthy. Learning how to make at least 1–2 decent recipes for yourself is a great help. Cooking is a relaxing task. Who knows? You might find yourself a new hobby.

5. Store foods and basic essentials (including liquor).

Make sure your pantry is full. You will never know what will happen. One time I caught the flu and wasn’t able to go out. Luckily, I have enough food in my cabinet and on my fridge and they kept me alive for 4 days. I also make sure I have enough medicine to take whenever I’m not well. I live alone, so I have to take care of myself. If it’s Friday night and you want to chill without going out, having an ice-cold beer or vodka will be an awesome add-on. This is of course, optional.

6. Have an extra pillow.

Did you know that hugging a pillow while sleeping has benefits? This is true, especially if you are a troubled sleeper like me. It lessens your tossing and turning and also adds warmth. Plus, it also comes in handy if in any case, someone is coming for a sleepover.

So far, I only have a few people who answered my question on Quora. If you are a member, you may post your ‘unconventional’ guides (link at the start of this post), or you can share them here. I would love to read all your tips and maybe will learn a thing or two from you all, who knows?