I feel like I don’t belong to anyone’s memories (a.k.a Geloy Concepcion’s words that resonate with me as the ‘background friend’)

I feel like I don’t belong in anyone’s memories.

I’m such a bland person. So generic, just someone on the sides during get-togethers. A filler when someone’s needed. The last option when there’s really no one else. I don’t even know why I see myself this way.

I feel like I don’t contribute anything to the things happening around me. When I’m at gatherings with people whom I consider friends, I try to join in, start conversations, laugh with them. But eventually, I end up in the background again, just smiling and nodding along to their stories. And even though I remember a lot of memories with my friends during those moments, sometimes I wonder… do they remember anything about me? Do I matter to them at all?

Sometimes I blame myself, because I’ve always been like this. I wish that even just once; I could’ve stood out a bit. Maybe then they’d remember me. But maybe they will, in a way. “Oh, that one who’s always smiling, the one who just nods, always in the back, that person…” At least they’ll remember me, right? Better than nothing. Hahaha, what an annoying thought.

Anyway, I don’t want to self-pity. Sometimes I just wonder what I really am in the eyes of the people around me.

Short Review: Libing Isa

 

Who should one fear? The deceased, the living, or us?

This question caught my attention when I first saw it online a few weeks ago. It was a teaser for a new book by an artist whose work I was already familiar with because I frequently see it on Twitter. I pre-ordered a book right away and promptly forgot about it as I went about my day. And even though it arrived yesterday afternoon, I didn't get a chance to unbox and read it until before bed.

Libing Isa is the debut book by Filipino author and illustrator Malayo Pa ang Umaga (MPAU), published by Anino Comics. It is composed of 11 stories about death, fears, and other macabre things that make us not want to sleep at night. The author claims that his fascination with the number eleven is what inspired the book's title. In his words:

"Para sa akin, kakaiba ang labing-isa (eleven) dahil nag-iiwan ito ng "hindi kumpletong" impresyon. Hindi pa buo kasi hindi pa isang dosena. Hindi pa hatinggabi, pero malapit na. Patapos na ang taon, pero parang hindi pa. Muntik na o kaunti na lang. Kulang pa. Papunta pa lang."

("For me, the number eleven is strange because it leaves an "incomplete" impression. It's incomplete because there aren't a dozen of them yet. It's not yet midnight, but it's getting close. It's almost the end of the year, but it doesn't seem like it yet. Almost or barely. Not enough, but getting there.")

Of course, I have my favorites out of the 11 short stories.

Right off the bat, the first short story, Makakalimutin si Tin (Forgetful Tin), sent chills down my spine. It starts with an illustration of Tin running and describes how she often forgets some of her things at school. Tin is always excited to go home, completely forgetting even her best friend. But why is Tin always in a hurry to go home?

Si Maning at ang Diwata ng Kangkungan (Maning and the Water Spinach Field Fairy) is about a young boy's friendship with a lady living beneath the vast water spinach field and his impending discovery of how the lady ended up underwater.

Ang Kasaysayan ng Bigas (The History of Rice) narrates how our favorite Filipino staple food is made, from planting to harvesting, milling, and selling, and how a little girl's father contributes to this rigorous process.

Mabangong Pagdating (A Fragrant Arrival) is a story about a boy's first day (and night) in the province. It is similar to Shake, Rattle, and Roll's Aswang but with a different plot.

Along with the stories, the book is beautifully illustrated throughout by MPAU. His style of art is quite similar to that of Filipino-American illustrator Bong Redila, but MPAU's works are more often dark and eerie. Perhaps this is a result of his ominous subject and the use of bold strokes. Nevertheless, they are as fascinating as his words. The cover is equally impressive as well.

Overall, Libing Isa is an absolute page-turner and a keeper. It reminds me of the literary folios we used to publish back in my university days. It is original and well-written. It's undoubtedly an excellent addition to the genre.

Libing Isa is available for sale at Adarna House. 

When you didn't land the job you wanted

Earlier today, I received an e-mail informing me that my application for a popular graphic design platform is no longer being considered. Although I am currently enjoying my "jobless era", the company offered this part-time position that suits my skills, and so I decided to give it a try. 

Of course, getting rejected can be frustrating, especially when it's from a company you admire the most and aspire to work with. I've applied to many companies before and got rejected so many times. But hey, it's not the end of the world. You can use rejection to your advantage, bounce back and maybe even land an even better position than the one you initially applied for. Remember these simple tips as they may help you in the future.

There are better options out there. Take rejection as an opportunity to explore other opportunities. Remember: there are plenty of companies looking for people with your skills. Review your applications, make some tweaks, and apply again. Even if you don't get the position, there's a chance you'll be contacted by the company about other roles that may be available in the future. You never know what might happen until you try.

Invest in Yourself. It's not always easy getting rejected after putting in so much work. The best way to get back on track is by investing in yourself. There are many different ways you can do this, such as going on job interviews or networking with people that have the same interests as you. If you have been rejected from a job interview, don't forget to ask questions about what could be done better next time. Then make adjustments accordingly and try again!

Take care of yourself mentally. It's okay to feel disappointed about getting rejected. As soon as you can, take the time to get out of your head and do something nice for yourself. This will help you put the rejection into perspective, and give you an opportunity to work on your mental strength. It might also be helpful to think about what went wrong during the interview or job hunt to avoid making those same mistakes in the future.

Don't give up. The first time you apply for a job, you're usually less experienced, so it's more likely that you won't be the best candidate. Instead of taking rejection personally, try and see it as an opportunity to learn. Read up on how to interview better next time, or reread the job description to see where you went wrong with your application this time. You might not get the job now, but perseverance and patience will pay off in the future!

The point is, when you get rejected, take time to breathe and reflect and assess. Then get back up and start over again. The perfect job for us is out there waiting. It may or may not reveal itself, so it's up to us to explore and look out for them.

So you want to be the cool aunt

 

So you want to be the cool aunt. That’s cool. Being an aunt myself can be fun and rewarding. But being a cool aunt can sometimes feel stressful. I have to walk a tightrope between being funny, calm, sensible, and responsible. I certainly hope they can come to me, but I also want to give them the best advice—the kind of good advice my aunt gave me.

Being a cool aunt is like being a part-time parent — you can only give back when you’re tired of parenting. I like to think of it as an exercise in parenting myself. I’ve been close to my twin nephews since birth, and sometimes I (like their parents) have a hard time seeing them grow. But I would love to be their go-to resource, no matter the situation, and I love that their parents trust me to guide them in the right direction.

I want to be the cool aunt that my niece or nephew can talk to about anything. In an ideal world, being an aunt would be easy. But it’s not always that simple. You want to be the best aunt your niece or nephew could ask for, but maybe you don’t have kids of your own or your relationship with their parents isn’t the best. The good news is that even if you don’t have little ones at home, you can still be a kick-ass aunt by following these tips.

Help with homework. It’s your nephew’s birthday tomorrow and he needs help with his homework. What do you do? First, take a deep breath and try not to panic: It’s only homework! 

1) Find out what he needs help with. 
2) Listen carefully as he explains his assignment. 
3) Ask him if he knows how to do it, or has any ideas of his own. 
4) Explain how you would do it if you were him.

Take them out for ice cream. The best way you can show your niblings that they are important to you is by spending time with them. While not all kids want to go out for ice cream, it is a great way for them to get a little treat and spend time with their favorite auntie. I also recommend that, when you take your nieces or nephews out for ice cream, you ask them about their day and what they’re up to.

Play video games with them. One of the things my brothers used to do with our aunt is play video games together. It gave me a very happy and memorable childhood growing up and I can definitely vouch for this tip. It’s a good way for us all to have some quality time together, but it can also provide an opportunity for them to learn some new skills. If they’re playing on their own consoles, I might jump into a game with them so we can play cooperatively or compete against each other.

Never ever pressure them. Don’t forget that they’re still kids. Not adults. Don’t try to turn them into your friends, and avoid pressuring them into doing things you want them to do but not what they want. Be a good listener and offer advice when asked for it! You can’t force your niece or nephew, or anyone else for that matter, to live their lives exactly as you would like. Putting them under pressure doesn’t make you a cool aunt. Not cool.

Now that you know how to really make your niece or nephew feel special, it’s time for you to get out there and show them! Make sure you send us pictures when they’re all grown up — we can’t wait to see what you’ve accomplished!